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Weighing In - Helping your child feel good about her body

Regardless of their body size, many kids going through puberty are hypercritical of the image staring back at them in the mirror. And parents are often unsure how to help. On one hand, raising a child who’s overweight is reason for genuine concern; but on the other hand, expressing too much concern can drive your child to eat more (or dangerously less) and cause her self-esteem to plummet.

Many preteens feel uncomfortable in their changing skins: Girls might find themselves storing more fat as they enter puberty, while boys discover their height hasn’t yet caught up with their weight. It’s no wonder that so many grade schoolers and preteens struggle with potentially serious health issues related to their weight. Approximately 12.5 million children ages 2 to 19 are overweight, and studies have shown that a child who is obese between the ages of 10 and 13 has an 80 percent chance of becoming an obese adult, placing him at risk for developing serious adult-type illnesses during childhood, such as high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease. Overweight children also tend to suffer from low self-esteem, be less popular with their peers, and struggle with depression and anxiety.

Tipping the scales the other direction are kids whose fear of being fat places them in jeopardy of developing eating disorders like anorexia nervosa and bulimia. More than 90 percent of girls with eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25, with the onset of anorexia nervosa thought to begin before age 20. Although more females tend to develop eating disorders, five to 10 percent of males suffer from the same plight.

So how does a parent express concern for her child’s dietary habits without damaging her self-esteem or causing her to obsess about her weight? The solution, experts say, is in how you approach the topic, as well as in your follow-through. Here’s what you need to know.

Some Weight Gain is Healthy

Between the ages of 6 and 11, your child will likely gain an average of seven pounds while growing a little more than two inches in height each year. In this five-year time span, head size increases by about one inch. Ideally, these new inches and pounds are added in mini-growth spurts, usually lasting several months and occurring several times a year. Problems arise, however, when a child packs on too many pounds in too short of a time period. If this happens to your child, try to have her maintain her weight, not drop pounds, in the hopes that a future growth spurt in height will balance out the growth in girth. Unless the problem is extreme, weight maintenance is really the key for this age group.

Good Eating Habits are Key

Putting your child on a diet at a young age will most likely destine her to a lifelong habit of losing and then regaining weight. Instead, teach your child the importance of listening to her body’s signals (is she hungry or just bored?); show her what a healthy portion size looks like and suggest she steer clear
of “super-sized” servings; and help her make healthy food choices by stocking
your cupboards with whole grain crackers, low fat dairy products and fresh fruits and vegetables. Labeling foods as “good” or “bad” is a sure way to drive your kid to consume an entire box of donuts. Instead, teach her to enjoy certain foods in moderation and offer plenty of healthy alternatives like fruit and yogurt smoothies.

The Media Isn’t Always Helpful

The media adds to youths’ body image woes in several ways: Studies show more time spent in front of the tube means less time on the move, more food (often unhealthy snacks) going into the mouth, and therefore more pounds spreading around the middle. To counterbalance this, set a limit on your child’s TV time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that kids ages 2 and older watch no more than two hours of television per day. (Don’t forget to factor in time spent playing video games.) Your child can earn this tube time by being active: For example, 20 minutes of physical activity nets your child 20 minutes in television land.

Of course, it’s not just TV that’s to blame. Magazines aimed specifically at preteens and teens bombard them with unrealistic model-thin images at an early age and perpetuate the idea that a particular body size is automatically going to make them happy and fulfilled. Become familiar with the messages aimed at your kids by flipping through their magazines occasionally and talking to them about what you see. Does your daughter think the models look healthy and strong? How many girls does she know who actually look like those models? Remind your child that some of us are programmed to be in a certain size range, and that she needs to learn to love and nurture the body she was blessed with.

Be a Role Model

Without question, the best way to motivate kids to make permanent healthy lifestyle changes is by showing, not telling. If you want your child to feel good about herself and her body, then you need to be a role model at home. You can’t feed your child roast chicken and baked potatoes, and then stuff yourself with fried chicken and french fries. You also can’t put yourself down in front of your kids when you are not feeling good about yourself. Kids take note when you talk about your thunder thighs or say you can’t wear an outfit because you’re too large.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t voice your dissatisfaction with your present condition. Instead of saying “I am fat,” say “I need to start eating better and exercising so that I can have more energy and feel stronger,” and then ask your child to join you in your quest for a healthier body. Get the whole family moving with walks around the neighborhood. Play some pickup games of Frisbee or baseball. Invest in bikes for the entire family. Put on some music and dance to the beat. Learn to ice skate. The important thing is to incorporate activity into your day-to-day lives so that it’s fun and doesn’t seem like a chore.

Continue to be confident and accepting of your body, and keep communication open so your child feels comfortable discussing her changing body with you. By focusing on health, not appearance, you can help your child successfully navigate this awkward and unsettling stage in her life with a positive attitude and a secure self image.