Talking with Tara

Dear Tara,
I am in middle school and sometimes I feel as if there is no one who understands all of the issues that I face every day. There are pressures from school, from my friends and sometimes even within my family. Do you have any ideas of how to find someone I can talk to?

Sincerely,
Puzzled

Dear Puzzled,

This is a common problem among students of all ages, and you are not alone. In fact, finding a good role model or someone to talk with about issues that concern you is a great idea. Before choosing a role model, it is very important for you to think about someone you admire and feel comfortable with. You will learn many things through observing and imitating your role model, so choose this person carefully. Do you like the decisions they have made for themselves? Are they easy to talk to? Are they responsible, honest and dependable? Will they make time for you? Will they take your questions seriously? Once you have considered their behaviors, and the way they treat you, think about people in your community that you really respect. Perhaps there is a parent, teacher, coach, older brother or sister that might be glad to talk to you about your concerns. Let them know that you are seeking their help, so they will treat your concerns respectfully and seriously. Consider starting with a small concern until you are able to establish a close relationship with your special person.

When I was confused about how to juggle homework, soccer practice and social events, I became friendly with an older person, and asked for advice. Once I discovered their values and ideas were helpful, I asked for their help about other,
more personal issues. It is a benefit to be able to share your concerns with someone else, even if you don’t always agree with them. A discussion with someone you respect will help you make healthy choices.

Sometimes we think that for someone to be a perfect role model, they must never make mistakes. I think a good role model has to make mistakes from time to time. It is how the mistakes are handled that teaches us to handle our own mistakes. We all
make poor choices, now and then. But it’s important to learn how to apologize, take responsibility for what you did wrong and learn from this mistake moving forward. If your mentor helps you learn how to repair the damage and how to avoid your mistake in the future, you have chosen someone who will teach you to become a better person.

For some of my friends, finding someone to talk to was a real challenge. Their families contacted Big Brothers Big Sisters to find a mentor and it was a great success. Big Brothers Big Sisters (www.bbbs.org) is a fantastic organization where students up to the age of 18 are matched with someone who may share their
interests. The kids in my school who have a Big Brother or a Big Sister have been so much happier and more confident. A few of the kids even brought their Big Brother or Big Sister to events at school!

Once you find a trusted friend and role model to speak to, you will feel successful throughout your years in school.