Step by Step: Blending into Your Blended Family

Today, more and more kids are part of step families. When your parent remarries and you find yourself with a new stepparent, new step-siblings and a whole new family dynamic, it can be a confusing time. You’re likely to go through a bunch of feelings: You’re happy for your mom or dad, excited to be part of a new family, nervous about where you’ll fit in...it can be a lot to deal with and hard to get used to.

Get Real
It’s important to be realistic. Most likely, everything won’t be completely perfect right away, but it also won’t be totally awful. Most likely, it will just be a bit awkward at first. Your new family will probably go through some growing pains as everyone gets used to their new lives. Even things that seem simple, like what you should call your new stepparent, can feel like huge issues until they’re resolved. You might find yourself feeling resistant when your stepparent tries to discipline you or enforce house rules — after all, they’re not your real parent, right? Maybe not by birth, but especially if you’re living with your stepmom or stepdad, they’re one of the adults who’s looking out for you and taking care of you. Chances are, they’re a little confused, too.

Take Your Time
Start by giving it a little bit of time. Just taking a few weeks or months to get used to your situation will probably be a big help; it takes a while to adjust to sharing your living space (and your parent!) with new people. Even if someone is really bugging you, try not to immediately start out negatively — even if you feel, for instance, like your stepsister is hogging the computer every night and it’s not really fair. Even though it might be hard not to call her out right away, it won’t help anything and will probably just make it worse. Instead, start by trying to talk to your mom or dad about it in private, or maybe suggest a family meeting to hash everything out together.

Talk It Out
Probably the most important thing you can do is be honest and talk about whatever is bothering you, and remember that you will probably have to compromise a little bit, too. It can be tempting just to go to your room and slam the door, or yell about how your stepparent is messing up your life. While those reactions might feel satisfying in the short run, they won’t help you in the long run. It’s really a two-way street; if you expect respect from your new family, it’s important that you treat them with respect, as well. In a way, kids who are part of stepfamilies are really lucky. They have even more people in their lives who love and care for them...and that’s really what family is all about.