The Importance of Compromise
Imagine this: you’re in the car on the way home from soccer practice, talking about what to have for dinner.
Your brother says, “Can we have burgers for dinner?” Your sister says, “No, I feel like pizza!” Your sister and brother start to argue. After a few minutes, your mom gets fed up and yells, “Forget it! We’re going home and having macaroni and cheese! Stop that fighting!”
Does this sound familiar to you? Arguments like this happen all the time – at school, at sporting events, even at your house. To help keep things from getting out of hand, children and adults — parents too! —need to learn how to compromise.
It’s important to learn how to compromise because nobody gets his or her way all the time. When you can come to an agreement, you avoid arguments and anger. Building the problem solving skills it takes to compromise is the best way to do this. Whether you are talking with a friend, a teacher, a parent, or a brother or sister, it’s important to step back and see both points of view. At my school, we are learning how to compromise through conflict resolution. We learned a few quick tips that can help us when we disagree. See if you can try these ideas for yourself:
• Play Frisbee! Sure, most Frisbees are used for throwing, but you can also use one to take turns offering a point of view. Pass the Frisbee around from speaker to speaker. Whoever is holding the Frisbee is the one who does the talking — everyone else has to listen. It’s an easy way for everyone to have a chance to speak and a chance to hear what others have to say, and it’s a good way to understand one another’s point of view.
• Use “I” messages. Nobody can understand how you feel unless you tell them. Instead of saying “You did this…” say “I feel sad when…”
• Learn to negotiate. Offer up a solution to the problem. For instance, if your brother wants a burger and your sister wants a pizza, suggest that the family has hamburgers on Monday and pizza on Wednesday. Or suggest that your brother chooses what's for dinner tonight and your sister gets to pick next week.
That’s not to say that all conflict is bad! It can be a way for us to learn about each other and to understand and respect different opinions. Handling conflict through compromise helps us get along with other people and gain control over uncomfortable situations. Learning to compromise has plenty of positive effects — problems are solved really fast and arguments get straightened out without a lot of anger.
Try these ideas in your school!
*Kasie is a 17-year-old high school junior from the area. If you have any questions or comments, contact Kasie for her point of view at kasieskorner@marsusa.com.
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