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Helping Your Child Navigate Middle School

It’s not easy being 12. That’s the age when kids have just left the safe harbor of elementary school for the uncharted waters of middle school. And what happens in middle school is often a perfect storm of influences and events that come together to create a difficult time for kids. Their bodies are changing. Their schoolwork has gotten considerably more complicated. Chances are they’re experiencing real peer pressure for the first time. And their social scene is suddenly a lot tougher to navigate. Middle school can be a tough time for parents, too. What can you do to help your child make it through middle school easily? Read on.

School Daze
Academically, middle school is an important transition time. But making this transition can be quite jarring — there’s a big change from the one-classroom, one-teacher elementary school experience to the multi-teacher, multi-class middle school experience. It can be a lot for kids to take in, and the switch can leave them feeling lost and confused. At the same time, their schoolwork gets more demanding and there is much more expected of them. Even kids who easily managed their studies in grade school can have a hard time adjusting to their new academic burdens. You might see your all-A student bring home a report card with C’s and even D’s.

The Key: Don’t overreact at first; it’s not uncommon for even the best students to falter initially as they find their footing. Just stay involved and keep positive; encourage them to continue working hard toward getting better grades. Set up a regular study routine and help them stick to it. Figure out which organizational tools will help your kid stay on top of assignments and deadlines, then implement them. However, if you see your child continue to struggle, don’t hesitate to step in and get them the help they need. Getting involved in your kid’s school can also help. Join the PTA or another parent group, get to know your kids’ teachers, counselors and the school’s administration. Attend your child’s school events — games, performances, back-to-school nights — to show your support and to reinforce the idea that you believe school is important.

Growing Up
The onset of puberty can be scary, confusing and even upsetting for kids, leaving them feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable in their own skin. And going through all of these physical changes at the same time as the social and academic upheavals of middle school can make everything even more difficult for your child. For girls, the first changes they undergo, which often include developing bodies and skin problems, can be especially difficult. It’s important to talk to your child and let her know that what she is going through is completely normal: Everyone else is experiencing the same things, and they probably all feel the same way, too. Chances are your embarrassed tween will squirm, sigh and/or roll her eyes, but stick it out. If she is just too uncomfortable to talk, let her know you’re there whenever she is ready.

Under Pressure
Right around age 12 is when kids become very aware of their peers’ approval. While a 10-year old will still be trying to get approval from his parents, at 12, that same kid is going to be far more concerned with impressing his friends and classmates. This is the time when cliques, bullies and peer pressure really start to rear their ugly heads — and self-esteem often takes a nosedive. Starting a new, bigger school with new classmates can be exciting, but also a bit scary. Kids often feel unsure of who their friends are, unsure of their ability to make (and keep) new friends, and unsure of their social status from day to day. This constant confusion can result in mood swings; you might notice that your child is bubbly and effusive one day and pouty and withdrawn the next.

What can you do to help? Start by talking to each other as much as possible. However, don’t just swoop in and start firing questions at your child, which will put him on the defensive. Instead, just quietly encourage him to talk to you — whenever. (And don’t give advice unless he asks for it!) Whether it’s while you’re fixing dinner, working in the yard, or in the car on the way home from school, you can use just about any one-on-one opportunity to chat. Every conversation doesn’t have to be “important.” The goal is to keep the lines of communication wide open, which sends the message that you’re always there for your child so that he feels comfortable coming to you with the big issues. It’s also important to maintain your family traditions — game night, family dinners, etc. — even as your middle schooler may act reluctant to participate. Even if he sits silent and sullen the whole time, you’ll still be reinforcing the message that your family is a solid unit and you’re there for him whenever he needs you.

Middle schoolers are at a unique crossroads: They’re still young enough to really need your support and guidance, but old enough to really want their independence. Helping them work their way through these important years will give them a strong foundation for high school — and beyond.

…it’s not uncommon for even the best students to falter initially…

Middle schoolers are still young enough to really need your support and guidance, but old enough to really want their independence.